TEMP.TA.TION

Vocabulary.com:

something You want to Have or to Do, even though You KNOW You shouldn't.

Normally, I would never define a word in a post...however, I think in this instance, it is important to do so. This definition, I hope, will keep me on track with the point I want to make. When talking about temptation there are so many ways to go. Let's hope this helps...

It is fitting that I should be moved to talk about temptation in my life since the church that I visit has been on a series of sermon's about The Garden. The story of Adam and Eve. Most know it, if you don't I encourage you to look it up, it's a good read. Though I have been exposed to the Pastor's sermons the last few weeks, this post is in no way inspired by what I have heard in church or from a Pastor.

In my introduction, I glossed over an event that took my life by storm seven years ago in April. Years ago now (I can't believe it) my mind was introduced to what seemed inconceivable. If one was able to think of it, it would have been much less likely. Yet, I am living proof that dreams and visions that reveal the supernatural world DO happen to ordinary people.

It's been several years since I fell victim to the coup d'etat that occurred within my mind. If I sound overly dramatic, trust me, the experience warrants it. I have learned to integrate the lessons I acquired then into my life today. Once the post starts I think you may see what I mean.

We all know and talk about temptation in the way that it is defined above. Temptation describes the inner workings of our thoughts and emotions. We refer to the actions and events that are demonstrated extrinsically when truly temptation begins within. It begins in our minds, travels into our hearts, then manifests itself through our actions and before you know it, all we can say is "I messed up."

It is acceptable to entertain the thoughts, ruminate in the feeling that comes from the thoughts, and then live out our emotions when presented with the self-orchestrated opportunity to do so, or so we think. The trouble comes after height of the excitement has passed. The attainment of our desire is less appealing after we have satiated ourselves with it. Afterwards, one easily wonders "why did I do that?" It wasn't really that great of a thing to sacrifice all that I did to gratify myself with it. How often has that happened to you or someone you know? Often, I bet. And the kicker is, we go and do it again and again. The cycle of pleasure derived from the anticipation or memory (in some cases) in the brain explains the problem.

Through no fault of our own (it's the way we were made, right?) Any stimuli that results in a dopamine release in the brain within the hippocampus (learning and memory center) of the brain, results in the brain associating that item with goodness. The brain gets happy and then releases more dopamine. Soon we no longer have to see the object. Just thinking about the things we like release the chemical. The dopamine makes us feel good, happy, tingly, strong, excited, ready to take on the world. Get the picture? That is the reason we seek out the activities that tempt us because a) we want to do it any way and b) this gives us an excuse. It's feels too good to be wrong.

This is how I lived my life. Always indulging in the next greatest thing that made me happy. I had a personal motto "why not?" Of course, back then I could not have given such and in-depth recital of what was happening. I just knew I liked it, wanted it, and was going to do it. It rarely mattered what "it" was. Take a trip, done. Buy some clothes, yep. Go to the club, uh huh....you know what I mean.

It is the way of the world. Work hard, play hard, right?

Through my dreams and supernatural occurrences I have been given insight that I did not have before I became a part of this world. I always thought that I am the me that eats and breathes daily. I am the being that rations, declares, capitulates, digresses, motivates, sympathizes, hurts, angers, persuades, denounces, sleeps, itches, sneezes, heals, and starts it all over again. I am that person. But what I found out is that there is also another version of me, a spiritual one. This "me" does everything that I do in that natural but I found out that "she," (so I don't get too confused) doesn't want too. It is not her nature. She does/is what I (natural me) give/make her to be.

That said, I decided a couple of years ago to give in to God who was tugging hard. I decided to accept his call and change. It wasn't until I had DECIDED to change that I actually changed. I DECIDED to let go of all of the mind jolting, body tingling, emotional driving thoughts that made my heart happy. I walked away from everything that felt good and justified and decided to live by what God said was right via the Bible.

It didn't feel good at first. Not for a long time but I noticed that I worried less, was angry/hurt less, and a whole lot of other emotions less. When I thought I had been good enough long enough, I said "once doesn't hurt." I started to realize once does hurt because that is not who I was anymore. I was/am the person that I am today. I changed right under my very eyes and I couldn't tell you when, or why, or how. Just that I did.

I liked who I was before. Didn't want to give her up. I didn't know that one day I would I like who I am now. My life is simpler now. I have far fewer negative emotions/days now. I have peace even when I don't. I can find the good in almost everything impacting my life and I can say thank you with true gratitude.

I made a decision at the top of the year last year. I declared in 2017 that all of the woes and challenges that I have experienced living in two worlds, I would let go. Life was hard for awhile. Months of sleepless nights, discomfort in the simplest circumstances, fear that I would go back to my "#drug of choice." (Did anyone notice the process I described above sounded a lot like what addicts go through?) It should have. It's the same process. Sin is as much an addiction as any other. If fact, you could call Sin the umbrella company that owns all of the specific facets of behaviors to which we yield ourselves.

The year passed mostly uneventfully until December. The sleepless nights ramped up. The dreams intensified in both number and content. It was as if I was being told or shown that in no way have I escaped my past. I was being "tempted" in my dreams by my old life. We talked above about how "we" tempt ourselves; and how we can stop. Just stop doing it! But how do you escape temptation that is brought to you? Especially at your most vulnerable, defenseless moment like during sleep (Freddy Kruger, much). It can seem hopeless.

Here's what I noticed. These dreams are nothing new. Seven years in I know how they go. The interesting part now though is that I don't react as I did. I am stronger in my dreams. I "she" fights back and often wins. I "she" says things in the spirit that I never thought I would do or say to defeat the oppressor, the enemy. She is strong now, she is no longer defenseless, she recites her WORD and takes authority like nobody's business. She knows who she is and has FAITH bigger and stronger than I have ever experienced. "She" now fuels me. She gives me confidence that the choices I have made to get here are right, are necessary, and are working.

The enemy suggests, encourages, challenges, taunts, and ridicules us daily; only very few of us recognize it. I didn't used to recognize it. I can most times now and I feel a lot safer that I can. Seeing the things that can destroy my life before I engage in them is priceless. I could not have gotten here without making that DECISION to walk away and not tolerate the mess (messiness) in which we live.

What I know now is that all of those "thoughts," weren't mine. They were suggestions, encouragements, challenges that I allowed to linger. Enticements that fueled my imagination until the desire grew and I internally decided that I wanted to pursue it. We make up our minds without ever uttering a word, acknowledging, or even worse denying what is true. I set the stage to attain whatever it was I wanted, all the while claiming, "it just happened." A series of decisions that brought me a little closer to my desire one step at a time.

It all sounds a bit too far fetched, right? I'm with you. I used to (still do sometimes) think so too, but then I remember what it took to get here and I know that no matter how incredulous (crazy) my story sounds...my claims are...they happened. With that I am tasked to share the lessons because they are too important to hold.

Last thing I want to say about this (how many of you wishing I'd save this post for the book? I know...I know....TANGENTS.

Okay, last thing for real. The whole reason I was moved to write this long, very long blog post about Temptation is this.... I know who I am today. I know who I was then. They are not the same people. I used to wish that I could keep the very best parts of Nikki and merge them with Nikita, but every time I tried, there was disaster for both of us. I wreaked havoc on her past and she on my future. The Bible says we can only serve one Master. We have to make a choice.

Oof, I'm off again. Last week, I heard in my sleep that people don't like me. Last night, I navigated an obstacle course of every trickery to get me to say that I was what I used to be. I woke up this morning, an-gry??? I use question marks because I am not really angry. These attacks affirm for me that I am on the right track. I know the mind games that happen and I know good and well that people like me or so they say. ;o) Or they don't, but whatevs...no biggie either way. The intended result of these dreams is always to cause me to act out in the natural. I used to respond that way. It was no fun, at all. Just a whole lot of guilt and disappointment after all of the emotionally fueled action-drama.

My point. My point. (We are rounding the corner to home base). When we are separated from of the Word of God, those whispers become reality in our minds. When we don't know better, we believe them. When we believe them we do some dumb stuff. Look at the world we live in. DUMB with a capital EVERYTHING.

I can't make this stuff up, lies are believed far faster and greater than the truth. Why? It's simple. Because lies appeal to our desires. The Truth hurts. We believe then we DO. We act out and the enemy wins.

One last kibble. He sucks, y'all. He's terrible. We can't let him win! He's not even that smart to win.

(Not sure that definition helped. This is so not the post I intended to write.)